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Funny Examples of Oxymorons (Oxymora)
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A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it.

Author: Zsa Zsa Gabor

We want our children to fit in and to stand out. We rarely address the conflict between these goals.

Author: Ellen Goodman

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

Author: Sacha Guitry

No stranger can get a great many notes of torture out of a human soul; it takes one that knows it well — parent, child, brother, sister, intimate.

Author: Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.

The object of teaching a child is to enable him to get along without his teacher.

Author: Elbert Hubbard

The proper time to influence the character of a child is about a hundred years before he is born.

Author: W. R. Inge

Marriage is a mistake every man should make.

Author: George Jessel

I read about divorce, and I can’t see why two people can’t get along together in harmony, and I see two people and I can’t see how either of them can live with each other.

Author: Franklin P. Adams

It is a great happiness to see our children rising round us, but from that good fortune spring the bitterest woes of man.

Author: Aeschylus (Fifth Century B.C.)

Of course a platonic relationship is possible — but only between husband and wife.

Author: Anonymous, From Ladies’ Home Journal

It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.

Author: Anonymous

After winning an argument with his wife, the wisest thing a man can do is apologize.

Author: Anonymous

Marriage always demands the greatest understanding of the art of insincerity possible between two human beings.

Author: Vicki Baum

Bride, n. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

Author: Ambrose Bierce

A mother starts out as the most important person in her child’s world, and if she’s successful in her work, she will eventually become the stupidest.

Author: Mary Kay Blakely

The average child is an almost non-existent myth. To be normal one must be peculiar in some way or another.

Author: Heywood Broun

Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.

Author: Samuel Butler

People marry for a variety of reasons, and with varying results; but to marry for love is to invite inevitable tragedy.

Author: James Branch Cabell

Personal hatred and family affection are not incompatible; they often flourish and grow strong together.

Author: Willa Cather

Bachelors’ wives and old maids’ children are always perfect.

Author: Nicolas Chamfort

Something you consider bad may bring out your child’s talents; something you consider good may stifle them.

Author: Francois Rene De Chateaubriand

Pregnancy is difficult for women but it is even more difficult for men.

Author: Susan Cheever

I cannot bear the crying of children, but when my child cries, I don’t hear.

Author: Anton Chekhov

The only people who seem to have nothing to do with the education of the children are the parents.

Author: G. K. Chesterton

Playing as children means playing is the most serious thing in the world.

Author: G. K. Chesterton

Nobody knows how to manage a wife but a bachelor.

Author: George Colman The Elder

Two important things to teach a child: to do and to do without.

Author: Marcelene Cox

Families with babies and families without babies are sorry for each other.

Author: Edgar Watson Howe

To receive applause for works which do not demand all our powers hinders our advance towards a perfecting of our spirit. It usually means that thereafter we stand still.

Author: G. C. Lichtenberg

All my life, affection has been showered upon me, and every forward step I have made has been taken in spite of it.

Author: George Bernard Shaw

I am about to be married — and am of course in all the misery of a man in pursuit of happiness.

Author: Lord Byron

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.

Author: Mark Twain

It may be compared to a cage, the birds without try desperately to get in, and those within try desperately to get out.

Author: Montaigne

If from infancy you treat children as gods they are liable in adulthood to act as devils.

Author: P.D. James

The value of marriage is not that adults produce children, but that children produce adults.

Author: Peter De Vries

One was never married, and that’s his hell; Another is, and that’s his plague.

Author: Robert Burton

A spoiled child never loves his mother.

Author: Sir Henry Taylor

A man’s best fortune, or his worst, is his wife.

Author: Thomas Fuller

It is The fortune commonly of knavish children To have the loving’st mothers.

Author: Thomas Middleton

Permissiveness is the principle of treating children as if they were adults; and the tactic of making sure they never reach that stage.

Author: Thomas Szasz

Few misfortunes can befall a boy which bring worse consequences than to have a really affectionate mother.

Author: W. Somerset Maugham

The surest way to be alone is to get married.

Author: Gloria Steinem

Marriage is the only thing that affords a woman the pleasure of company and the perfect sensation of solitude at the same time.

Author: Helen Rowland

Matrimony and bachelorhood are both of them at once equally wise and equally foolish.

Author: Samuel Butler

It doesn’t matter whether you decide to marry or stay single; either way you’ll be sorry.

Author: Socrates

If you are afraid of loneliness, don’t marry.

Author: Anton Chekhov

Marriage is lonelier than solitude.

Author: Adrienne Rich

We all of us wanted babies — but did we want children?

Author: Eda J. Leshan

I love mankind — it’s people I can’t stand.

Author: Charles M. Schulz

The ever-alert, the conscientiously wakeful — how many fine things they fail to see.

Author: Norman Douglas

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